Struggling with a Decision

Today is the day that I was to take Lily for boarding for a week, so that she could be properly medicated while I am away from home for a breast reconstruction surgery.

She has been progressing downward rapidly, and I am concerned about her living her last few days away from me and terrified and not understanding why I have abandoned her. And if the vet has to euthanize her while she is there, I would be devastated that I was not with her to hold her while she passed.

I think I have a vet scheduled for a home euthanasia this evening, but I'm not sure because her answering machine was acting wacky. No message, no beep, just a long silence until that grating BEEP BEEP BEEP sound of a failed connection. I spoke to the vet in person, and this was going to be a "special" visit due to our circumstances, but I was to leave a message with name, phone number, and address.

If Lily is going in for boarding, she has to be there by 1pm. After that, I have made the PTS decision, but then what if the vet doesn't show up or I can't contact her.

Lily was doing better yesterday, even playing with the cat dancer, but this morning is having trouble breathing. There are blood splatters all over from when she sneezes.

Her leaving is inevitable, and under ordinary circumstances, I would wait until she gave me a sign. But these are clearly not ordinary circumstances.

I spoke to Deb last night, and she said she would prefer to remember Lily going out cat dancing.

Me too. I just hope I can get a message through to that vet this morning to confirm that we are on. I am so anxious about what would happen if come Sunday morning Lily is still here and I have no way to board her or euthanize her.

I'm waiting until a decent hour to call the mobile vet to make sure she is coming.